Once Upon A Time
by Subject 0
Summary: Grunt can't fall asleep. He also can't read. Wielding only the power of the English language, can Shepard and Donnelly lull the mighty krogan to bed? One-shot.


| **Once Upon a Time **|

* * *

><p>"Shepard."<p>

"Grunt."

She hadn't thought of what to say after that. Clearing her voice, she asked, "Is there something I can help you with? You didn't sound too happy when you called me down."

"There is. Catch." Without warning, he tossed Shepard a book, which clonked her on the forehead.

Her head knocked back a bit as she mumbled, "… Ow." Bringing the heel of her palm to her face, she rubbed the area the book struck, a small red mark printed on her skin.

"Ha-ha-ha," he laughed monotonously. "I hit you."

"This is serious, Grunt. What do you want me to do with this?" Shepard flipped to the front of the book and mouthed the title: 'Little Red Kroganhood'.

"What else? Read it."

That was a dumb question on her part. "Why do you want me to read it?"

"I can't go to sleep."

She almost broke into laughter. "So, what? You want me to read a story to you to help you go to bed?"

"Yes."

"You can't read it to yourself?"

He paused. "I don't want to."

"Why not?"

"I just don't, Shepard."

She tilted her face and raised a brow. "Grunt, is there something you're not telling me?"

"… No."

"Then why do you want me to read it?"

"… Because I do."

"Can't you read it yourself?" she repeated.

"I don't want to," he said, absentmindedly throwing another book at her.

She brushed away the hardbound copy and asked, "And why is that?"

"Because."

"You're starting to piss me off."

He threw another book at her.

She didn't want to play this game anymore. Sighing, she complied, "Fine, I'll read your damn story. Just stop throwing things at me."

"I can't make promises Shepard."

"Neither can I."

"Hmph." Shepard recognized it as his way of saying 'whatever'.

"Alright, I'll start." She cleared her throat. "Little Red Kroganhood…"

"Hey Commander, is that a book you're readin'?"

She'd recognized that heavy Scottish accent anywhere. Glancing over her shoulder, she asked, "Donnelly…? What're you doing here?"

"I was about to go up for some supper, but then I noticed you were down here and wanted to see what the occasion was." He waved at Grunt, who completely ignored his gesture. "Now then, you were readin' this book t' little Grunt, were you?"

"Yep."

"Think I could I could read along with you?"

Shepard blinked, giving him an 'are you serious?' look.

He fidgeted at the stare and quickly supplied, "Well, this was my favorite book when I was just a little boy. I remember reading this edition _precisely_."

"This edition…?"

"Yes ma'am."

"… The _krogan_ edition…?" She couldn't put enough stress on the word.

"Yes, it's actually quite immersive." He sat next to Shepard and repeatedly nudged her side with his elbow, to which she bit her bottom lip to suppress swearing at him. "Now what do you say, Commander?" Donnelly asked. "You and I pop a squat and read little Grunt here a story?"

"I am not little. I could crush your skull with my pinkie and thumb."

Shepard saw no reason to reject him. Rolling her shoulders she monotonously answered, "Sure, be my guest."

Donnelly clapped his hands and rubbed them together eagerly. "Excellent! Let's get started then!"

"Ugh. Three's a crowd," Grunt murmured.

* * *

><p><span>Little Red Kroganhood<span>

_By Gatatog Durel_

_Illustrated by Gatatog Durel_

Once upon a time, there was a beautiful little krogan named Red. She was the most loved krogan in all of Tuchanka. Everyone and everything loved her. The varren, the pyjaks, and all the krogans. One day…

* * *

><p>"Wait," Grunt interrupted. "Does this story take place before or after the genophage?"<p>

"Why does that matter?" Shepard asked.

"After the genophage, all krogan females were prized, even the most hideous ones."

"Grunt," Shepard said, rubbing her temples, "She was very pretty."

"I didn't hear you say that, Shepard."

She grumbled a few vague obscenities.

"What was that?"

"Nothing."

* * *

><p>The <em>beautiful <em>krogan was _beautiful _beyond belief. Her _beauty_ transcended that of all other krogans. All were in awe by her splendorous form. Her lustrous eyes of cerulean blue, her plush lips, her shapely hourglass figure, the beautiful complexion of her face, the reflection of her skin against the warm sun, her curvy hips, her supple bosom…

* * *

><p>"<strong>Donnelly!"<strong>

"What!" the engineer shouted nervously. He repeated in a calm tone, "What? Did I do something wrong?"

"That wasn't in the book!"

He stammered, "I know. I just came up with it on the top of my head." Shepard thinned her stern gaze. "Well, Grunt wanted to know how she looked! I just wanted to make him happy. Right, Grunt?" He turned to the adolescent krogan.

"He's right, Shepard. At least he _tried _to improvise."

She groaned. "So what, if you don't like the story, you want us to change it for you?"

"Yes."

The soldier mentally rolled her eyes and reopened the book.

* * *

><p>One day, Red's grandmother got sick with the flu. But it wasn't any normal flu that weak smooth skinned humans got. It was a krogan flu! She got so sick that she couldn't get out of bed. Of course, another krogan wouldn't mind getting <em>in <em>bed with her.

* * *

><p>She shot him a look.<p>

"Improvising."

* * *

><p>Red's grandmother asked Red to bring her some food. But her grandmother's house was all the way on the other end of Tuchanka – past the long, cruel, unbearable desert. Naturally, because Red was a fearless krogan who had great genes like Urdnot Grunt, she could bear the desert.<p>

* * *

><p>"Wait a minute, the author mentioned <em>me <em>in his story?" Grunt almost sounded happy.

"No, Grunt. I added it in because you wanted me to improvise like Donnelly did."

His expression sank. "Oh."

* * *

><p>The beautiful krogan embarked on her most perilous journey with nothing more than the skimpy clothes on her person, and the food in her basket. She traversed the desert until she came across… a massive, rippling, toned, throbbing, muscular, strapping, burly thresher maw!<p>

* * *

><p>She stared at him again.<p>

"What?" Donnelly inquired innocently.

* * *

><p>The thresher maw…<p>

* * *

><p>"Wait, aren't there pictures?" Grunt complained.<p>

"They're more like scribbles," said Shepard.

"Show them to me."

She turned the book to reveal the illustration of the thresher maw. The artist's rendition resembled…

"… What? Is that the thresher maw's lower intestine…?"

A few inches lower and he would have nailed it.

* * *

><p>The thresher maw roared fiercely and said to Red, "Where are you going, sweet little girl?" And Red answered that she was going to her grandmother's house, which was just over the horizon. Naturally, being the teasing vixen she was, she didn't hesitate to show off some of her silky smooth skin. He was flustered for a bit, but his resolve hardened. If you know what I mean. Regardless, he hurried to the grandmother's house, trying his best to make it there before Red.<p>

Once he arrived at the grandmother's house, he consumed the grandmother. Then, he wore the grandmother's clothing and sat in bed, waiting for Red to come through the door. It was a brilliant plan, disguise himself as the grandmother so that she would lose her guard and he could eat her. It worked to perfection, since his splendorous body matched that of her enticing grandmother.

* * *

><p>"How does a thresher maw pretend to be a krogan?"<p>

Grunt's incessant questioning was driving her impatient. "I'm not sure. It's supposed to be a fairy tale. Just go along with it."

"That's stupid."

"You're stupid."

* * *

><p>Red made it to her grandmother's house, just in time for the thresher maw to change into her garments. She said to the thresher maw, "My, what big eyes you have!" and the thresher maw replied, "All the better to ogle you with." She said to the thresher maw again, taking a step closer, "My, what beautiful muscles you have!" and the thresher maw replied, "All the better to make you feel warm when I hug you." And then she stepped very close to the thresher maw and saw, "My, what a big mouth you have!" And the thresher maw screamed, "All the better to eat you with!" Or… eat you out. Hehe…<p>

* * *

><p>"Ow!" Donnelly caressed his shoulder. "Why'd you punch me, Commander?"<p>

She groaned and planted her face over her hand. "The sooner we're done, the better."

* * *

><p>Then, the thresher maw ate Red too! But before he could get away, Grunt came from out of nowhere and screamed, "I am krogan! You should be in awe!" and cut him open with an axe. He killed the thresher maw with ease and saved both Red and the grandma. And they all lived happily ever after. A 'happy ending', if you put it in other terms.<p>

**THE END**

* * *

><p>Shepard made a mental note: talk to Kelly about Donnelly's mental state of being.<p>

"Well, what did ya think of that, Grunt?" Donnelly asked in a chipper tone.

"I thought it was alright," Shepard answered.

"Only alright? When I was a kid that was my favorite bed time story. Personally I thought that was a lot of fun to relive those memories," the engineer confessed, smiling profusely.

"Fun is another word for it…" Shepard grumbled.

"Well anyways, thanks for inviting me Commander. I should be headin' up now. I'll see you later."

Shepard wouldn't make eye contact with the engineer. She closed the book and sighed, placing it back on the shelf. "So, what'd you think of the story?" she asked, turning around to gauge Grunt's reaction. The krogan was already fast asleep, his body curled up in the fetal position. She stared at him, a small smile slowly tracing over her features. She lay a blanket over his body and turned off the lights, but just before she left, she heard something faint.

"Shepard?"

"Yeah, Grunt?" she asked softly.

"The part at the end with me saving the day… did the author write it, or did you improvise?" he murmured, barely able to keep his eyes open.

She smiled sweetly, something uncharacteristic of her considering her nature. Combing a hand through her hair, she said, "Do you think I'd be able to improvise something that amazing?"

Grunt chuckled, "Heh I guess not."

"Goodnight, Grunt."

"Shepard."

She turned back to face him. "Yeah?"

He paused, then finally spoke up, "… Thanks for reading to me."

"No problem." She shot a final glance at the sleeping krogan and turned around. Unexpectedly, she bumped into Garrus, her face colliding with his chest. Laughing beside herself, she chuckled, "What're you doing down here, big guy?"

The turian grinned and rustled her hair. "What, I can't want to stop by and see how you're doing?"

"Oh sorry, I thought you were still working on those _calibrations,_" she taunted.

He laughed, "Ha-ha, very funny."

Shepard smiled, and with a sly wink, beckoned him to follow her up the elevator. "Come on. I've got some other calibrations for you to do in the room – if you have the reach."

Garrus' face lit up a bright shade of pink as he stammered, "Oh, wha…? Is that what you were…? Jeez, Shepard, I didn't…" He couldn't even finish a sentence before the Commander roughly pulled him into the elevator, the door sealing shut behind them.

"Shepard," Grunt whispered. He watched as the two ascended the elevator, then rolled to the side and shut his eyes.

* * *

><p><em>Once upon a time, there was a ship called the Normandy. On the Normandy was a krogan named Grunt, who was the strongest krogan in the world. He loved to fight, and he loved to battle. But there was one thing he loved more than anything else in the world: a woman who captured his heart from first sight. A gorgeous woman who was more beautiful than all the stars in the galaxy. A fierce woman who shared a similar thirst for combat. The only woman who ever truly acknowledged his existence beyond the field of battle…<em>

_But in this once upon a time, there was no happily ever after._


End file.
